# 302 (de-construct)

I am going to marry him

husband and husband

Two simple words

may change the course

of our history

This privilege may be

granted by a slip of the tongue

of one of earth’s mightiest women

but I don’t care because I want to

I want to say it, look into his eyes

he was mine the minute our eyes locked

and I was his, but truly it is not about

owning, it is about belonging

being part of something bigger

than my fragile male ego

I have been trying to deconstruct

with every stroke of mascara.

It is not even about us


She told me to be powerful

the egg that contained the world

lay cracked in the background

of waging wars

She told me to be patient

because we already broke

the spell of masculinity

it just takes some time to sink in

to heal the trauma of centuries

acts of violence so cruel,

yet performed like checking

some item from a grocery list.

She told me to mercilessly

face the festering wounds

burning them with her gaze

veiled by tears

that only fueled her flames

She granted me courage

she gave life to the parts

of myself I thought had to die

in order for me to survive

a world which intertwines

loving men with being feminine

being weak, a sissy, a faggot, a fairy,

a fruitcake, an abomination.*

The fist breaking my nose

it did not break my pride

it did not break my power

it was supposed to

but they failed.

She saved me that night

stepping outside of her place

in the world, becoming more

than the mother and the daughter

That night she truly married me

in the garden I’d grown in the dark

She gave me permission to be.

© Matthias Geh, 9th June 2018

note: this contains parts of my own story, 
but is strongly inspired by reading 
"femme in public" by Alok Vaid-Menon
especially the verse marked with * 
I feel blessed I came across their poetry 
and want to give credit, because 
I could never have written this:

(femme in public, Alok Vaid-Menon, 2017)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.